Feminism vs. Sexism: Modern Gender Stigmas

In my last post, I wrote about sexualizing women. For part two I wanted to examine the sexes in a social context. There is no questioning it: the sexes are in a self-imposed, never-ending war over what defines a man and a woman. Men have always been the ones to outline gender roles for both sexes, and the American people have all fallen for it.

I see so many females fight for women who step outside of what society deems as feminine, but so few come to the rescue of men who attempt the same. Whether it is the way men dress, career choice, or even going as far as sexual exploration, in modern times, women have always had a louder cheering section.

Now, I would like all to understand, I know why the cheering section is louder and gets more attention: it is because the oppressed finally have a voice. The reason for this sensitivity to feminist issues is because of deep-rooted scars and continuing practices. Do women in America have it better than 100 years ago? Fuck yeah, but just because women slowly gained freedoms, like the right to vote, does not make this a country of equality.

There is a new battle raging against sexism. As much as I would like to tell men to go fuck themselves and the sexism they face, I can’t. (I’ve been a bit bitter since being felt up at two separate bars.) Fighting for true equality means focusing on both sexes, not just one. The line between what is masculine and feminine needs to be blurred beyond recognition if women want society to look past sex. Here are the four social stigmas I feel are the most important:

1)   Accepting the Metrosexual

I have an extreme dislike of metrosexual men. They are not sexually appealing to me. I think most of them are douchebags, and I hate any man that spends more time looking in the mirror than a woman. Now, that being said, everything I just stated was extremely sexist and stereotyping.

It has been embedded in our culture to make fun of “girly” men, but do people ever consider that this is one way of perpetuating the gender stereotypes? By people mocking men who indulge in “manscaping,” they are essentially calling them women. This comes with a repercussion I think few realize.

This is how I see it: women are oppressed because they are weak. When a man is mocked for being “girly,” the real insult is not that he is acting like a woman, but that he is weak. It is a cycle of belittling women and limiting the definition of a “real man” to societal standards. I always thought that it was an unfair advantage that women got to wear make-up anyway.

2)   Bisexual Females vs. Males

I have a theory: The only reason women are so “comfortable” with their sexuality is because throughout history they had little-to-no say on the definition of beauty. Of course, women will feel comfortable with semi-nude females, when from Roman to modern times the female body has been considered a marketing tool by those who govern (cough, cough, men).
Everywhere from courthouse steps to magazine spreads, women have been desensitized to their own sexuality. Men, on the other hand, never had to be reminded of their own penis at every turn. 

Humans are like every other animal on the planet. There is a natural curiosity when it comes to sex. Many of us have fantasized about a homosexual encounter but never acted on it. In America, there is still a lingering homophobia that tells men they are flat out gay for thinking of another man in that way. Women on the other hand, have had a different kind of experience. A lesbian encounter has become many men’s fantasy and has been labeled a silly little experiment in college.

I believe this type of thinking has led to some dumb theories. I have met more then one straight man who said he believed homosexuality was wrong, but two women hooking up was natural. This is what happens when you repress a society: the repercussions are idiotic. Look at churches and the spree of molestation that has occurred, or the Amish community that won’t even acknowledge the drugging and raping of hundreds in their town. When society tries to suppress a natural urge, it will literally drive people crazy.

In a man’s world, females have had more room to experiment because it is thought of as sexy, but men have been conditioned to fear the sight of another’s dick. I remember even in high school, if a guy was bisexual, everyone knew and that kid became a freak even more so than someone who was gay. A chorus of “ewwws” would erupt from everyone whenever the bi-male was the main focus of gossip. It became a death sentence to a guy’s social reputation. Girls shunned him, and boys would bully him. (Girls had their fair share of discrimination, but I’m trying to make a point.) 

Even as someone who fights for LGBT rights, I find myself a bit taken back if I find out a guy I’m interested in is bisexual. I see nothing wrong with experimenting, but it comes as a shock. The past is the past, no matter whom someone has slept with, but it proves that no matter how open-minded I try to be, social stigmas can stick with me, and I think many are in the same boat. Without acceptance on every level, equality cannot be achieved. 

3)   Who Wears the Pants?

I hate this question. It implies old school thinking in the way of gender roles. I’m not referring to a significant other who does whatever the other says; I’m talking about career choice and income.

Men who stay home or are employed in what is considered “traditional careers for women” have had their fair share of discrimination. While it is nothing like what women have put up with, it does exist. 

This is another indirect form of sustaining sexism towards women. If a man chooses to be a secretary while the woman is a lawyer, there is a societal indication weakness. In America, it appears that men who have a less “manly” job are the butt of many jokes.

Hollywood is a great example of this. When there are men onscreen playing a character in a “woman’s position,” he is typically a bumbling idiot who is made fun of. When I think of male nurses, I think of “Meet the Parents” and how many career jokes were made. When I think of male secretaries, I think of the flamboyant, nervous wreck that catered to Ari in “Entourage.”

Stay at home dads get the privilege of being mocked as well. While many men like to complain about how commercials portray men as idiots who can’t understand how a broom works, these men actually live a lifestyle that is only advertised to women.

Again, I believe this is a side effect of sexism. Advertisers have always appealed to women in one distinct way: make the guy an idiot in the “woman’s domain.” I see it as men throwing women a bone in the idea of self-empowerment. Thank god the woman is in the kitchen, otherwise we would only have stupid men to clean up messes.

Being a house-husband comes with another weird side effect: they get called heroes and babysitters. They can never be seen as just a dad. It is just not normal in society today for men to stay at home with the kids. People make it an awkward or selfless, heroic situation, and unless we see an equal amount of men and women staying home, men will always have the upper hand in the workplace.

This problem, I believe, is currently not as much of an issue. Society is adapting to the new workforce, whether all are ready or not. And in this economy, I’d prefer to be a male secretary or let my wife pay the bills to flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Women have been wearing pants for a few decades now. Can we update the “who wears the pants” question to something that doesn’t imply de-masculinizing men and keeping women in the kitchen?

4)   Who Pays the Bills?

Another stigma sexism creates is the belief that men need to spend money to be considered a good partner. This idea is not as prevalent as it once was, but it is there. I believe this thought has been passed down from mother to daughter (intentionally or not) for generations and is still being pushed by society. Throughout most of history, the only thing a woman was meant to be was suitable arm candy for her husband, so of course money mattered. If a woman couldn’t create her own accomplishments, her husband sure as hell better be rich! Even though times are changing, it doesn’t mean attitudes have.

Just like women have to be accepted in the work place, men have to be accepted as more than a wallet. Not all women think this way, but there are different angles to this statement than a guy paying a girl’s rent.

Here is one example: Unless otherwise specified, the default setting for who pays for a date always seems to be the guy. Even if 100 percent of women don’t think this way, our actions are apparently saying something else. I’ve known more than one guy who has not asked a girl out because he was short on cash.

I’ve always heard the saying, “a single man, is a rich man,” but it took me stepping into the real world to see that women actually do use men for money on a regular basis.  I’ve known a multitude of women who accepted a first date for the free meal because they were broke. While this is a great survival tool, it’s not doing much for women in the way of progression.

There is a flipside though, men have to learn to let a woman pay. I’ve always been someone who pays for my own drinks and will buy them for a love interest, but on more than one occasion, I felt that I somehow offended the guy by doing this. They stutter and stare in awe when I say, “I got this.”

When a man doesn’t pay, he is considered a loser. When a woman pays, it is considered de-masculinizing. We create this cycle. Women, buy your own shit. Men, stop being a baby when a woman buys your meal.

This post is not a one-size-fits all; there are some women who love a man who spends 6 hours on his hair, or wants to be a stay-at-home dad, or has never gotten a free meal in her life. The point is that the overall attitude of America seems to reflect this thinking. It is everyone’s job to break these stereotypes.

“Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
— Exchange between Lady Astor and Winston Churchill