Feminism vs. Sexism: Violence Between Sexes

This piece fits in the social stigmas category I wrote about last time, but I think it is important enough to get its own post.

Let’s get this out of the way: men are biologically stronger than women. In my opinion, the stereotypes that are associated with this fact are the root of all evil in the battle of the sexes. It leads to the sexes being pigeonholed in American culture.

To understand how I began harping on the topic of physical strength, I am going to admit to something very embarrassing: I watch the Steve Wilkos Show…sometimes multiple times a day. (I know, shut up.) I feel like there is one pattern I’ve noticed about the show every time I watch it: when a woman claims physical abuse, the audience automatically demonizes the man, but when a man claims abuse, the audience laughs. Every. Single. Time.

This laughter represents America’s fundamental problem of violence between the sexes. No one would dare laugh at a woman who was abused, no matter what the size of her abuser, but it becomes funny when a woman is the violent one.

When I began to mentally keep track of reasons women hit men, I realized the frequency at which it occurred. I became less and less interested whether the violence was justified, and I began questioning the frequency of it instead.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, in 2010, “more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.” Even though I watch the Steve Wilkos Show as often as I do, I was surprised by these findings. I couldn’t shake the question of why women were so violent today.

Putting together the frequency of violence against men from my daytime TV research and actual research, I came to two ideas about how the sexes are viewed: 1) violent women are thought of as a joke, not dangerous, and 2) men should be ashamed and embarrassed about abuse instead of being open about it. There is this idea that men should always be the protector and women the victim.

Our society tries to teach men to never hit a woman, but there doesn’t seem to be any movement telling women it is not okay to hit men. It seems we are a society that preaches that violence against men is most likely justified, and even if it is not, it is just a woman throwing punches.

One example is the dramatic Hollywood slap. Since the beginning of film, the connection of a woman’s palm and a man’s face has gotten a lot of screen time. Think of any romantic comedy. How many times have you sat in a theater and watched the not-yet-changed, playboy antagonist get drinks thrown in his face, hit, or even maced? In a way, our society has told women it is okay to hit men, and they are.

Hollywood even tells us that women who are truly in love will get violent out of frustration, and it’s cute. In The Notebook, how many times did Rachel McAdams slap Ryan Gosling over something ridiculously stupid, only for them to make up with butterfly kisses 30 seconds later? If any movie or book portrayed a man doing this, he would be an abusive asshole, but was Rachel’s character depicted as this? Nope, she was just young, passionate and in love.

There is a double standard with violence between men and women that hurts both sexes. This is just another example of the human race representing a giant metaphor of a snake eating it’s own tale. We are the cause, victim, and solution to the problems that plague both sexes. The answer is as simple as what our teachers told us in grade school – Everyone! Keep your damn hands to yourself!

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”

- David Sedaris, Naked